Have You Tried Eating an Orange in the Shower? Relationship: Attend couples counseling. The . He has been depressed because he was away from his kids and feels less of a man. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not a substitute for professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. I hope when he is done with college.. Hell understand that not every one gets a job in the area of study. What do I do??? But, the stress of the last 6 years has been getting to me. If you have a caretaker personality, you may need to watch a propensity to give your life partner consent to remain stuck in self-indulgence and inaction. I want to enjoy my life but it doesnt feel that way right now. He keeps intimating moving back home, but I dont want to. Ive done everything myself. It seems to me that Men are not allowed to be out of work for more than a few months at best, where as many men have wives who do not work and spend their money but that is ok! Its a very lean existence and if this keeps up, we will not be celebrating Christmas this year. Make it very clear that you can't, and won't, be the sole breadwinner. This does not go for ALL men. If anyone feels the same and wants to talk Id be happy to. Because of my job we moved back to the US after living overseas for his job, I moved back to a new position with my company when his job became in jeopardy. He was also aware that we nor his kids had any other place in the world to live aside from a drug infested filthy shelter. Im at my wits end. And he is very forgetfully. Who the heck is supporting me? He cant even collect unemployment because due the the disability, he had no taxable income the year before. If she is not willing to work when you are both in significant debt, there is a big problem. We have now been here 7 months. Rather than passing judgement on them and their situations, why not help them out. But how about support for the partners of unemployed people? every week almost we gave dined out. All he want to do is get drunk and do music. One more thing. I feel like I have an extra child not a husband. Sweden doesnt work like that and despite being a well educated woman with many talents I didnt get work. Hes a slacker and useless and doesnt help around the house and he drives me crazy. ", While it's not clear if Tamara's husband agreed, he gave credit where it was due. Alas, too many major wedding expenses were paid by my parents and me before I realized how bad things had gotten w/ his lack of motivation and CHRONIC laziness, and like a coward, I didnt call of the wedding. My live-in boyfriend has been unemployed for two years, so I totally understand where many of you are coming from. He going to college now for his ba. Wow, I dont know to feel relieved or more depressed realizing that Im not the only one going thru this. at this age I dont know another way out without violence which results in tickets and jail for the male. Im seriously starting to feel used. Had he simply lasted 90 days I would have made $600 as a recruitment bonus, but Oh well. Hope it gets better for all of us, somehow, magically and soon. 1. Eventually this person is either fired or ends up being laid off in one instance they ended up quitting because they just cant seem to get along with people. We have more information about domestic violence at https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-domestic-violence.html and additional information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. . But I rather him chipping in to pay the bills. So they might think Ill wait until so and so passes and this situation is resolved and then Ill return to the job hunt.. About 4 years ago she tried to enter another field which required money for school. If you have not try everything, you may keep trying. But please believe in yourself you have to strength to take action to change. I love him so much. I am 20 and have been with my 21 year old boyfriend for nearly 2 year at first it was fine we other worked at a pub he spoilt me as much and whenever he could and hes amazing and does help out around my parents house when asked but has been unemployed and living here for nearly a year I have had 2 jobs in this time as a receptionist which I had to resign from and my current position I Dont know what to do any more its so difficult I have to go to work every day I bring in the money and he wants stuff all the time wheres my stuff for doing the work? We dont have any children together but I have three from a 10 year hell. Im exhausted. Wedding money- nearly gone. Move on with your life. You have a son and he comes first. I was just googl eing the things..how people feel when mens lost their jobs. I feel so bad as my parents are paying for the majority of our wedding and they see that I am currently paying for everything else, and I fear that they then disapprove of him. Things are back to normal, we are not going backwards financially, and we can now go back to our old ways of holidays and dinners and new clothes. That becomes much harder with time. I know this s*** from your partner is embarrassing, insulting and his s*** makes you feel like you did something wrong and you did not! Do You Trust Your Spouses Ability to Make Good Decisions? For me, I am also broken. I get told if he does work its going be on the weekends.. You can close.. Let him find out what it's like to do his own cooking and laundry to provide for his own needs. My roommate is a serial squatter at this point who refuses to leave. mini holiday which is mostly funded by work. Theres not excuse. Fake interviews, youre overweight, they didnt like youblah blah blah are you kidding me?? Chill out and let positive energy radiate from the two parties. unemployed husband won't do housework. Ive been with my other half for almost two years. About 4 weeks after surgery, she .. went back to work fulltime. You will have to stick to your word and leave in 90 days if he still wont work Because clearly that means he doesnt really love or respect you at all. I am frustrated with him as well, because if I lose my job, we will be homeless, and he will not have the luxury of avoiding potential covid situations. When you are married your family comes first. In the first year he was in a pretty bad car accident and broke some ribs and collarbone. I pay for everything even though i cant, i find ways! Jay, So I am trapped. being alone with all that money to spend on your own needs would make you far happier than snuggling up to a leech every night. There were one or two who dhowed great promise and even had formal interviews with a promise of a trial day or two to see how she did They never got back to her. I want so badly for her to understand that everytime she loks like shes going to give up she comes closer and closer to losing me,but I can never tell her since it would be devistating. At this juncture, I need financial support from him, but would probably find my endurance to be much better if coupled with emotional support. While I am grateful that he is taking advantage of the time to reestablish a parental relationship with his kids, he has once again (pattern evident) walked away from his job, and refuses to accept work that he considers beneath or unrelated to his skill set (automotive/construction). I just feel so alone in this time of need with nobody to talk to that would understand the stress of it all. He is always laid off. I graduated in May 2014 and we started dating shortly after. This is why so many people are unemployed because they are great, equivalent to franchise caliber free agents in sports and they are found to be weird or intimidating due to hiring managers being used to average and mediocre people. I am very sad and dont know what to do with him. Im never recommending my nephew for another job where I work ever again and it was a terrible mistake the one and only time I did it. Yep, Im that stupid. If anyone has any advice Id appreciate it, because its coming to a point where just the sight of him makes me angry, and especially the way my mother lets him run over her and all that. If you have children, list all your parenting responsibilities as well. So he gets the credential (after his hard work much to his credit)and he is surprised that the sky doesnt just open with raindrops of jobs. I dont like myself much these days. I can and have used public transportation to get to interviews before but a lot of times it wasnt reliable and kind of made a stressful and anxious situation even worse. I love her so much and want to keep supportign her emotionally, but after 6 years of supporting her and now supporting a family by myself, Im running on empty. I dont mean you should put up to to such extreme situation but just let you know there are sometime magic can happen inside our human being. So I take him walking and we play at the park. You can't change a narcissist and you should never marry one. I do not see that you will receive any benefit from this relationship, only exhaustion. He still has his hobby, staying up late to watch TV, while I am so stressed about my job, waking up at 6.15am everyday to go to work. I just feel like its a vicious cycle that isnt getting better. I do laundry, cook, clean, watch the kid and our dog. I am fed up and tired and seriously i enjoy my own company and i like living alone which is basically what i am doing anyway except my room mate (hubby) doesnt pay for nothing. I cant muster up the stregnth to make her feel better when all I want is to yell at her to get up by herself! I am beginning to rescent him and no longer have any sympathy for his situation. I go to work as much as i can but i have a medical issue that arrises once a yearvso my hours while this happens isnt full time. And I cant have any time off unless he gets back to work. I work full time in customer service. Its very easy for someone who deals with someone infrequently or not at all to suggest that they cease and desist working and stay home especially when they arent going to be hanging around the home of the person making this suggestion. But it does not mean you can not make yourself happy even under an adverse environment. Trying to make you feel bad before you have enough time to think about that statement. They dont understand how flooded the market is, how few jobs are open and how picky everyone is being. If you are ever concerned about your safety, please contact local law enforcement or go to your nearest emergency room. But he has to understand; Im drowning here. The other half of the problem is his depression. Hes coming back tomorrow. So she met this man, a former classmate at the university, and less than 6 months later they were married. I dont know what else to do. This isnt fair and not how I thought this relationship was going to works Plus he has destroyed my credit and savings! Often, it is wives who feel unappreciated and overwhelmed with housework, although husbands sometimes experience this as well. So he has started smoking weed to cope. I have become very depressed and anxious thanks to him and this relationship and Im slowly starting to feel like it is my fault, not his. I just wish I had enough courage to leave him. He is always downstairs by himself watching tv because he hates living here so much. I work a very basic job and just manage to pay the bills each month. My father is a non driver who hates using public transportation and doesnt have any reliable friends. I was devastated. He recently left a sales job he was struggling with. Ive been homeless twice because of this which is extremely depressing because Ive always worked two jobs. On top of it, he has become a mean, nasty, verbally abusive man. We have no kids because my husband is infertile. To start with, practice an attitude that regards unemployment as a temporary and manageable circumstance. Hes can be completely normal one minute and irritable and angry the next. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I used to always be happy til he came into my life. In other words, each of you is a complex, multifaceted human being who remains healthy as long as your mental, physical, spiritual,and relationship states are receiving attention. LOL). Too bad. You have done an amazing job of standing by your unemployed persons side despite the mental, physical, andspiritual turmoilthat unemployment puts everyone through. I have been in both places. As for the stealing from your purse, simply dont keep cash around. For example, physical disability or the recent COVID-19 resulted in many people getting laid off or declared . Dont remind him that youre paying for everything and therefore he owes you.Instead, Lively recommends presenting chores as an opportunity for him to make you happy. ETC. You can locate a counselor in your area through our website. And if you dont feel pressured to do it, is this stuff really all that important? When things get critical financially he asks his sick mother for money and she sends it. I feel broken ya know? Your body gets used to this. Praying were not all just casualties of the recession forever. Ive supported us in every way the whole time. There a are about 10 unfinished construction projects at my house .. All torn apart and never finished. What frustrates me is that when I come home sometimes, he talks about how tired he is.when he hasnt done anything to be tired from! Hes gaining weight and we have no sex life. Should I leave or stay with him ? I've heard this argument a lot, from the husband's side; "my wife doesn't cook or clean!" From the wife's side; "I shouldn't be expected to do all the cooking and cleaning!" This is a hotly debated topic, but one thing I do know - when one spouse isn't pulling their weight, the marriage is likely My Wife Doesn't Cook or Clean! The loving man I know changed into a clingy child whose temper and mood swings rival those women on soap operas. Kelsey, kick him out. The last 2 weeks, Ive been treathning to kick him out if he doesnt have his rent money. I never feel taken advantage of financially. As youve read, these people dont/wont change, but you can change how you feel and what you do to get back your freedom. Just this year, we had to give up on that too, since it was clear that she wasnt gettign any where with it and that she should give up. I have passed my MCA on 2013 but still not getting a job. Sure he cooks dinner for the kids and does the dishes, but I need him to WORK! He is actually very against taking it. I wish I could enrol my son in a sporting team, but I cannot afford the fees. Been married 20+ years and he has worked for about 6 months out of all that time. Hes a nice guy, very sensitive and critical. I just cant. So, I guess some people are lucky and just have never had to deal with any problems in their lives. It falls on me to do everything in the house, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I called the police. Today he got so angry one of his coworkers actually asked him if he was going to hit him. Throw his ass out tell him he had seven shots at keeping you and he purposely created the situation he is trying to train you for the next 25 years. While I am seemingly flourishing here, he is drowning in isolation, unemployment, debt, and depression, and clinging to me like a kid. He wondered when it was going to be his turn to be supported but acknowledged I had done my fair share financially ( including spending some of my inheritance to improve our home and pay off part of mortgage). After retirement, living 24/7 with inactive husband will be scary! You have to look after yourself first, and never hook up with someone who does not try to carry their own weight so to speak. I pray that God will relieve us from the situation and guide us to see how we can love our husbands in this kind of difficult situation. I am so frustrated like I think Matt said, that I worked and studied hard to have a good quality life when I got older, now here I am barely afloat to no fault of my own. And to boot, Im seeing men on this board complaining that their women are not working! Its been two years and Ive been suggesting that maybe he needs to try a different approach vs. just looking online for work but he doesnt do anything. In a good year he would work for 7 months .. He says the other people are to blame, but I see how he is here and Im inclined to disagree with him or at least say that he is at least part of the problem. I make all the money. Tired from what lifting the remote? Get Extreme: Go On Strike. Answer: In my experience, when people write about about whether or not they should leave their partner they have already made up their mind. Your husband sounds almost like he has manic episodes, with the affair and addiction and the timing with it all. Im frustrated because it does NOT take a YEAR to get a job..ANY job, I dont care if its flipping burgers. He owes me thousands of dollars at this point. It is lonely and very isolating and sole destroying. Or possibly same sex lesbian couples. Im at my end point now. Often the partner who shoulders most of the emotional labor grew up with a parent who over-functioned to compensate for a partner who slacked off. Things will work out. Me, be supportive? A spouse whose optional work is now a couples only source of income may all of a sudden shoulder the weight of paying bills. Husbands Not Helping With Housework? Here's Why! He has a PhD but had no commercial experience so its extra difficult for him to look for work. I go to work every day, and am increasingly stressed out. But the good times didnt last; after everything I did to get him the job, he screwed it up big time by failing a drug test and got stood down for five weeks. He has damaged a lot of my belongings over the years. In the begginingy family didnt accepted our relationship but then I started studying and m boyfriend also. Hes managed to keep our credit card balances relatively low with our budget so we dont have to use them unless absolutely necessary (car repair, etc). I consider leaving and have seriously discussed it with my parents. Yes Im in the boat with other women. i probably would love to have an affair just to get away from this crap for just a few minutes. My husband resents that I dont workI have Epstein Barr. Please dont ever feel bad for venting. I have also been seeing a therapist who tells me that I have to look after myself. The impact of male unemployement affects female partners too.Credit:Fairfax. The only thing holding me back is my daughter and his relationship and WTF WOULD HE GO?! I work at home as a medical transcription. wife will gradually exhausted because outside working, homework + looking after children. Try praying to God for wisdom. But things does not change. Hi Francesca, so what did you do at the end?



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